"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them"
MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MS
The dates on the links below are when the updates to my autobiography / health diary
were completed. The updates usually cover the time period since the previous one.
There is overlap in what I wrote, as the health diary updates were originally written
for a different site than this one. There are some specific topics which are named
rather than dated, and these have been put in approximately when I was doing them
/ they occurred.
Re-adjusting my priorities and re-focusing on my health
There has been a shift since the start of the year. I have come to realise just how
much I am struggling in my life, just how harsh I am being with myself, and just
how little I am living in the present. It's like a constant balancing act and it
is not a good way to live.
I see now that I have become overconfident and fallen right into that "thinking I'm
OK again" trap, pushing way too hard, lapsing with my diet a little bit here and
there, thinking I can get away with it because I have felt so much more normal again...and
all that eventually takes its toll. I am forever thinking about the things I ought
to be doing, rather than enjoying the things that really matter, friends, family,
people, quality time.
I am now feeling a lot more relaxed about everything, and even though I do have to
make a living, work is not going to come at the price of my health. Also I am not
going to SACRIFICE myself in giving to and helping others anymore. What kind of a
message am I giving to others if I do this?
For me it will not be a case of opting out, but more of TRUELY getting the balance
right, enjoying silence a lot more, enjoying MUSIC (I never took the time before-
and it is so marvellous- brings me back to my centre and back to my heart), and watching
I am also thinking of doing a sponsored week of total retreat into silence and meditation
with no computer, no TV, not phone, a little bit of music, and a very simple largely
raw food diet. How exciting and scary will that be!
The saddest thing that I realised, is that I have become so swept away with projects,
work, business...I had forgotten the reason it all developed in the first place...my
interest, passion and following my heart...it's swept me back into the real world
and I am not well enough for that yet really.
I do enjoy the challenge of running the stairlift and scooter businesses as well
as working for the MSRC and building the odd webpage, and I am very determined to
succeed (so far it's gone pretty well) by doing my best, but really, after having
done that, it's not up to me is it. The universe decides ultimately on so many matters
so there is no point in worrying or losing you head. I am learning to let it all
go...there is no hurry, deadlines or pressure. It's me who is setting the hurdles
so high. Even at the Gym I am not pushing so hard now just enjoying what I can manage
to do, and some days that is quite a lot.
I'm also attempting to cut back on social engagements or demands a bit. I had started
to view everything as an ordeal and I have now decided to, either say No, or go for
it and LIVE IT FULLY, not go along with a plan but not really want to. It is hard
though because I seem to attract so many people and yet part of me just wants to
withdraw and only talk to family and keep life simple...for some time at least.
This year I am being a saint with my diet and have started a detox programme with
herbal supplements from Renew Life. I am appreciating simple food so much more! In
fact I am appreciated everything in life so much more and just seeing everything
is a much simpler light with a heart filled with gratitude.
The Tsunami disaster makes us all realise just how precious everything is and how
lucky we are to have a home, food, mod cons, nice things and friends and family.
I am already feeling some benefits from my detox supplements and diet. I am able
to balance better, which makes life less of a struggle, and I am able to walk a little
better. At the moment I am having a weeks break from supplements but next week will
really get down to the nitty gritty and tackle candida and parasites with an even
stricter anti-candida diet. I will be taking Paragone from Renew Life. I really am
focused this year. I have put off doing these detoxes and diet for long enough. I
really do feel I have nothing to lose by trying, because I can do this. I have the
discipline and determination. Struggling and feeling rubbish has motivated me enough
to do whatever it takes once again.
My philosophy at the moment is not to rush any decisions, and be more...rather than
try to work out the best way forward. Hopefully this will I will intuitively do what
feels and is right for me. It is easy to over analysis sometimes, and especially
easy to throw money away needlessly at therapies which may or may not do some good.
My feeling at the moment is that I'd rather just spend time listening to music or
The Universe has pointed me down this Path three times so it has to be worth exploring,
and it is actually cheaper to get on and treat myself rather than pay for tests to
try to find out for definite what is going on- testing is not fool-proof anyway.
If I improve I will get my answer this way anyway, won't I, and if not, well, I can
rest easy in the knowledge that I have tried my best!
There are many people out there who all claim to have the answer to my ms but that
doesn't make sense to me anymore. I think the best thing I can do start listening
to my body again. I want to take the time to try to find all the answers to my health
issues from within and it really does not matter how long it takes, I love my life!
I feel so, so happy at times...I feel almost bad to feel so happy when others are
suffering so much in other parts of the world...but I am just so grateful for all
that I have and the life that I lead. It is a remarkable one!
Business is going well and I am free to work at my own pace which is great. Others
are not so lucky. I feel confident that my health and mobility will improve, but
even if it does not, I still want to take this challenging detox path, and rebalance
my life through a much more peaceful and centred existence- just for my own peace
of mind and happiness. I'll keep you posted as to how I get on!
This page was originally posted on the health diaries site, it is still there but
also been posted here in case that site disappears, below are the comments that are
posted there in response to my diary blog.
I can't send you an e-mail. Somehow it doesn't work. If you'd be so kind to send
me one to my address I'd like to get in touch with you. Thanks!
1. Posted by Ana on February 23, 2005
I am another Sylvie with MS who shares your philosophy very closely. In reading your
website I might have been rediscovering my younger self.
What you have to say is so inspiring and useful that I would like to add a link to
your site from the MS website I maintain for the Local MS society here on the Isle
Do I have your permission?
We also have some inspiring young people here on the Island, including Wayne, who
has set himself a target of £10,000 with his sponsored scoota journeys and Mark who
is also featured on Justgiving with an attempt on Kilimanjaro in October. Perhaps
cross links would benefit you all?